Many times have I imagined a world where I would have everything that I ever wanted, and it sounds like a dream, and I keep telling and re-affirming these awful things to myself that doesn't make me feel good. 

I think a lot about another life and it transforms my thoughts into something ugly and immature. And the word, "if", always comes up a lot.  

I wrote northern star to convince myself that I didn't need anything else to live my life other than my freedom. Even now, I still struggle with the thought of what is "truly enough". It's hard to feel satisfied and it's my fault, but sometimes, I blame it on the outside world. 

I want to think in a way where I can believe in the things that I already have today. To believe that they have the immense value to carry me forward in life in a sense, like  a "what I need is already here" type of philosophy. 

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Initially, I made a poem about northern star, and then adapted it into a song. It follows growing up, and features freedom as a curse in the beginning, and then an important realization.  The northern star was a metaphor for innocence.

northern star

At childhood’s end,

the Northern Star that once

shone in the sky had begun to fade, 

and I was slowly losing my way,

turning south then east then west,

with the resistance of wind in every step.

I would take and see the grains of salt along

the path, carrying, collecting, caring,

until several storms had passed,

washing the roads clean and away with the doubt

with the sky appearing as clear as day.

There was no more Northern Star.

But even so would I find my way,

with Freedom as my compass.